Monday, July 28, 2008

Adventures in "Big Waffle"

Ladies and Gentleman and those still confused, I had a dream last night and when I woke up, it frightened me. I went to bed thinking about how much the United States of Belgium hates us. Think about it Citizens, what happened whenBritian, Russia, Japan, Vietnam, and Korea got mad at us or vice versa? We went to war and they attacked us. They attacked our men and our Nations patriotism. Remember when "guerilla warfare" was invented? Well we are dealing with is a new type of warfare, something only seen in acient times and in the movies. See while we were looking Iraq dead in the eye, going for the victory that we all want so bad and just around the corner from getting, then all of a sudden BigWaffel hits us from both sides stealing our livelyhood and one of our GREATEST AMERICAN icons. Because I think it fits and I love the movie, I call it "Raptor Warfare". I woke up and started thinking about what other things "Big Waffle" could steal from us tocompleatly rip away all of our AMERICAN way of life, so here are the top five

5.)Porn - Let me ask you something, you know on the last clear night, when that illegal hookup you have was comming in pretty clear, and it was about 11:43 at night and you caught the "Naughty" channel? Through the somewhat fuzzy screen, you saw him rubbing something all over her and it was pretty amazing.Thats body oil you thought, or maby Whipped Cream. as you get closer to the T.V., you notice that you have never seen whipped cream come in a container like that. Then. just for a momentary lapse, you notice........HUNGRY JACK IS HAVING A FIELD DAY ALL OVER THIS WOMAN!!! Look other countries may have invented it, but we perfected it.

4.)Baseball-O.K. Let me ask you something, You go to the ballgame, get your program, sit in your seat, and name the to three vendors that are walking around. Coke, Bud and....PRALINES?!?! WHERE IN THE HELL ARE MY CRACKER JACKS?!?! DAMN IT BIG WAFFLE STRIKES AGAIN!! OH THE HUMANITY!! Speaking of which.

3.)BEER- The invasion has already begun.(See previous posts) By the way the new official AMERICAN beer, as voted on by AMERICAN college students, is now.........Samual Adams.(More to come later.)

2.)Apple Pie- This tasty little AMERICAN treat is the pinnacle of AMERICANA life. Just think about it, back at the end of WWII, when or fighten' boys came home, what was sitting in the window ledge Apple Pie, When little Timmy comes in from playing a friendly game of neighborhood baseball, what is for dessert? Apple Pie. When I finish my quarter pounder with cheese(Royal with cheese for you overseas group)(Ketchup only) What do I want next, my APPLE PIE! If the Belginiums want to attack my soul reason for living, they will attack my pie. I will surrender struddle to them, but never my pie!

1.)THE ALAMO- Citizens, this is our last stand. If we have one last great icon of America it is the Alamo. We let our enemy think that they beat us there but they really didn't cause obviously, as General Sam Houston said" I want Texas!" Well as red as the state is, it very well be the last stronghold we have as an AMERICAN Icon.

So Ladies and Gentlemen in closing, I ask you for one thing,

Stay Safe Citizens
Legend Killer

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