America Seeks Restraining Order Against GOP
America is trying to call it quits with the GOP. She thought there was chemistry when they first met - he had that frat boy swagger and a cocksure attitude. The Democrats had seemed kind of dull, and America was ready for a change.
One of the first things she noticed was that GOP was always getting into fights. He sure hated foreigners, especially the Arabs, even though GOP depended on them for his businesses. And he really hated gays, Mexicans, and liberals.
And then there was the accusations. America realized that GOP was more than a little paranoid. He was always accusing her of being disloyal. Then he started spying on her. She wasn't sure what to make of it, but she kept hearing buzzing and clicking on her phone line.
And GOP was never very good with money. Weren't rich guys supposed to be good with money? But GOP was always broke, and he kept living the good life and sticking America with the bill.
America started finding kinky stuff in GOP's closet. There were some freaky videos of naked Arab guys - it looked like some sort of gay porn version of Oz on HBO. Then there were the stories about GOP having anonymous gay sex in airport bathrooms - but how could he be gay? He hated gays! Besides, he seemed so rugged, and he had a great beard.